‘Curiosity is one of the greatest secrets of happiness’ – Bryant H.
This quote applies to many aspects in life, but let’s apply the ideology to social connections:
Being inquisitive gives you the passage to open-mindedness > an open mind leads to understanding > understanding builds awareness > awareness enables growth.
Applying the terms ‘I wonder’ or ‘I’m curious to understand’ in any circumstance, especially relationships, is giving it a pair of fresh eyes. A clean slate.
This approach helps me as a coach to tap in from a deeper level of connection and insight. When I literally tell myself to shift that gear and listen from a place of curiosity and wondering, I can hear a completely different story… the true, unmasked and unfiltered rendition. It’s beyond fascinating!
How to use the innate, god given tool of CURIOSITY to build and foster relationships with authenticity:
- Come from a place of wondering- you really want to learn:
> For example, your spouse comes home in a nasty mood. Instead of being frustrated, tap into that curiosity and wonder what may be the onset of his/her behavior. When initiating conversation from a place of wonder and not being suggestive or confrontational, the questions are formed differently. They lose the sharp edge of judgment and are replaced by empathy and compassion. So in this case, you’d take a minute, think of what you really want to know, and then ask. The conversation may begin with a ‘Are you doing ok?’, or ‘Did something happen at work today?’, ‘Is there something you want to talk about?’
- Ask yourself questions that shift your perspective to taking a look from behind that person’s eyes:
>For example, your friend is describing a conflict she’s experiencing with a family member. You have your opinions and you’re tempted to share your wisdom with her. Listen, you’re coming from a good place, correct? So then by asserting your perception on the situation it can only help her, right? WRONG! Unless she specifically asks for your thoughts on the matter, it’s most likely that she doesn’t want your opinion or advice. She most probably needs you as a sounding board to sift through her own thoughts to come to conclusions based on her beliefs and feelings.
- Remove any preconceived assumptions that may curb the curiosity:
>To explain that, it’s important to know that people’s opinions and thought processes are based on their own beliefs. (The topic of BELIEFS is super important and I have a feeling a blog post on that subject will be coming soon…Be on the lookout 😉 ) But for now in short, let’s understand that someone’s beliefs are influenced by his/her culture, experiences, education and emotional factors. To the point that it’s really individual.
That being said, if you truly have your friend’s interest at heart, you need to remove all of your own belief based opinions> Only then can you truly LISTEN> Only then can you come from a place of CURIOSITY and wanting to learn what THEY want> Only then can you add value to the relationship that’ll stem from an authentic place!
That’s what we all want, don’t we? Authenticity..
